Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
