where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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