Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
