I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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