You're completely useless in the revolution.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
