Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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