so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
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