My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
