so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
