she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
