my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
my being single is dangerous.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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