i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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