Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
