the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
