people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
