I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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