whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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