Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I looked at my own cervix.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
bring money and cleavage
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
