I want to have your abortion
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
