it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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