I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
