There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
