i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
