Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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