i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize