Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
