I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
