That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
