It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
