This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
