She's JV to your varsity
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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