you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Operation Purity has been aborted
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
