Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
