when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
