Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Randomize
