btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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