Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
