It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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