My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
