marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
