just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
