I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
