This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
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