those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
