I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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