pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
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