i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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