he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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