Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
