Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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