we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
