you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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