i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
