420 ftw
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
