Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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