I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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