he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm passing your future prison.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
