I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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