after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
