I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
worst night to have a conscience
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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