So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
