I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
