I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
