I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
