We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
