You work out of a Hotel?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
