the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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