We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
