Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
