The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
