I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize