dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
