And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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