New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Cover your peen. We're going out.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
