no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
