i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
