I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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