the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
