we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
