Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
