i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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