We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
