I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
